Tales of a Sniveling, Wet Nosed Brat
by kendokao
Summary: We all know that Piccolo wasn't too fond of Gohan when they first met. Piccolo tells all about that famous year he spent training Gohan. Ch. 11: 20 Lessons
1. About a Brat

Disclaimer: O, Dragon Ball Z, thou doth not belong to me. Okay, enough with the Elizabethanness. I blame it all on Shakespeare. Damn you, _Julius Caesar_!!!!!

A/N: Piccolo is awesome. (I finally got enough cash to buy part 2 of the Piccolo Jr. saga!!!) I wanted to write something from his perspective, so here you go. We all know he wasn't too fond of Gohan at first. This is gonna be a bunch of tales from that famous year before the Saiyans arrived when Piccolo was training Gohan. Enjoy!

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Tales of a Sniveling, Wet-Nosed Brat

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"I guess I kind of thought that it would be easier than this  
I guess I was wrong now one more time." ~Lifehouse

Son is dead. And I have taken his brat.

The child is called Son Gohan. Puny little thing, really. Still hasn't woken up since the fight with Raditz. He has incredible power, though. I might not have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself. Shame he can't control it… But I intend to change that.

We have one year until the Saiyans arrive. During that time I will train the boy to use his power. His potential is far greater than anyone realizes, and I am the only one who can train him properly. Once he learns how to harness his power, he will be a force to be reckoned with. And that could be the key to victory or defeat against the Saiyans.

From the looks of it, Son and his wife have pampered and coddled the boy from day one. I can assure you that he will be in for a very rude awakening. He will be training under Piccolo, and I am not soft like Son Goku. Under no circumstances will I go easy on him. I fear my greatest challenge will be toughening him up, and I must make certain that he is ready when the Saiyans arrive. We can't afford to put our hopes in a coward.

I have one year to turn this brat into a fighter. I can't help but wonder if that will be enough. It'll have to be. I look down at the unconscious boy and sigh. There is much work to be done. I ought to get started. I pick him up and throw him into the pond.

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Welcome to hell, kid.

A/N: Okay, that was rather short, I know. Think of it as a kind of… prologue. ^^;;; But it's gonna get nice and big, I swear! I mean, I gotta have _something_ to do during Algebra2… *grins evilly*****

Anyways, lemme know what you think so far. ^^


	2. A Very Long Year Indeed

A/N: Hi, peoples! How be you on this fine day? Looking for another chapter, I see? Well, here you go. ^^ I bumped the rating up to PG-13 because Piccolo gets to cuss in this chapter! (hey, he's a demon – what do you expect? : P ) So ya, read on and enjoy! ^^

Oh, dear Lord, what have I gotten myself into?

The moment that brat woke up, he began to cry. I hate that accursed sound! He shut up after I threatened him a few times, but I could tell he was liable to start up again at any moment. I explained the situation to him and told him that we would need his power when the Saiyans arrive. Of course, he didn't believe that he had any power, so I decided to give him a little demonstration.

I grabbed him by the head and hurled him at one of the cliffs. At first he just screamed in terror, and for a split second I wondered if I was wrong about the boy. But then his power surfaced, and the cliff was utterly blown to pieces. I was shocked to see the size of the ditch that was left as a result. The boy's power proved to be far greater than I originally thought.

"Now do you see?" I asked the terrified child as I picked him up. "That is the power that will help us defeat the Saiyans – once you are trained to use it, that is."

The boy stared at me, trembling. "W-what do I do now?"

I smirked. "Live."

"B-but I'll die of loneliness!"

It took all of my self-restraint not to slap the shit out of him. He's been so sheltered, it's ridiculous! And he claimed he wanted to be trained by Son when that fool returns to life… Son's been too soft on the brat as it is! It pains me to imagine what the boy would become if trained by his father.

So I left the brat to fend for himself. Hopefully surviving on his own out here will toughen him up a bit. He has six months. If he can't handle that, there's no way in hell he'll ever have a chance against the Saiyans.

I open my eyes, no longer in my meditative state. I ought to check in on the brat. I feel around for his ki. He hasn't moved much from where I left him. I fly off in that direction, cape snapping behind me. I take a moment to look around. Funny. He doesn't seem to be on the gro—

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL.

The kid's only been on his own a few hours, and he's already managed to get himself stuck on top of the tallest cliff. The tallest cliff in the whole damn place. And he's STUCK. Stuck and crying like a baby.

And _this_ is the earth's last hope?

Night has fallen, and the brat is still up there. I debate whether or not I should do anything about it. Finally I leave two apples for him. But other than that he's on his own. I do not intend to do anything more to help him. He needs to toughen up, mentally and physically, and learn to do things on his own.

Still, I ought to stick around for a bit and keep an eye on him.

It's relatively quiet, a good time for meditation. I close my eyes and hover cross-legged in the air. I proceed to empty my mind of all feeling.

Something stirs on the cliff, interrupting my thoughts. I crack open an eye. It seems the boy has discovered the apples. He picks one up and bites into it enthusiastically.

A sour expression crosses his face. He starts whining about how it tastes bad and he wants to eat dim sum.

I feel my jaw tightening as I clench my teeth. Is there no end to it?! Cursed little brat… And to think, this is just the first day.

This is going to be a very long year…

A/N: Whadidya think? Whadidya think? ^^ kao had suuuuuugar… mwahaha… Anyways, sorry it was so short. It looks like that's how it's gonna be – short chapters, but many of them. So ya. More to come soon!


	3. Mr Piccolo's Rotten Morning

I am in a very rotten mood this morning.

Last night was horrible. Damn that brat! How was I supposed to know that Saiyans turn into giant apes under the light of the full moon?! Smashing rocks, crushing cliffs… I've never seen such destructive power in my life! If I hadn't been able to stop him, the earth would have been destroyed before the Saiyans even arrived!

I remembered something Son's brother said about Saiyans showing their true power during the full moon, so I blew it up. The brat reverted to normal and fell unconscious. I pulled off his tail just to be on the safe side. Things should be fine with the moon destroyed, but the tail does seem to be a weakness for Saiyans.

I gave him a new set of clothes, seeing that he, err, grew out of his old ones when he transformed. A blade would also be fitting, I realized, so I provided him with a sword as well. "You have given me absolute hell, did you know that?" I snarled at the sleeping brat. "But rest assured, if you survive these next six months, I will personally provide training that will make hell look like paradise." And with that, I turned and walked away.

So forgive me if I'm not jumping for joy.

Several birds begin to chirp. Argh! I can't stand that noise! Even more birds join them. I fire a ki blast and smirk. No more birds, no more noise.

I am about to settle down and begin my training when I am interrupted yet again. A dinosaur is tromping about and making quite a scene. Can't a demon get some peace and quiet around here?!

I fly for a short distance, hoping it will be calmer elsewhere. I am wrong. Bellow me is a van full of humans, apparently on an expedition of some sort. Damn humans! Why can't they go somewhere else?! What is this, Go-Bother-the-Daimao Day?!

"Chirp." More birds.

Is a little peace and quiet too much to ask for?!

I fire several ki blasts. "WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE?!?!?!?!"

Silence. Good.

*grumble grumble* Maybe now I can finally do some training…

A/N: *whistles innocently* Ok, so that took a little longer than expected. *shrugs* But it was fun! *grins evilly* MWAHAHAHAHA!!! evil evil evil!!! Hope you liked. More where that came from… eventually. ^^


	4. 3 Months Already!

A/N: *more whistling innocently* Ok, ok, so I'm not always good about updating this fic. But see this? *holds up 4th chapter* All yours. So, you little monkeys, read, enjoy, and be HAPPY!!!! ^___^

I sit down on a rock and take a breather. It is nearly dark, and I have been training intensely all day. The harsh training I put myself through has become a little routine of mine. I only hope that it will be enough to make a difference against the Saiyans.

It has been three months since I left Son Goku's brat to fend for himself. I find myself needing to check on him less and less. The first month I would, unbeknownst to him, stop by every other day to make sure he was surviving. Now it has been two weeks since my last "visit." Perhaps it is time I check up on him again.

I take a moment to locate the boy's ki. He is relatively close by, approximately a few miles west of where I am. It doesn't take long for me to spot him. He is standing next to a pile of branches attempting to make a fire.

The boy is aware of his ki, as I learned the last time I watched him, and has been experimenting with ways of putting it to use. He attempts to start the fire with a ki blast, but the pathetic little puff that comes from his hand does no good. His next attempt is too big and burns the branches to a crisp. He gathers another pile and tries again, this time barely managing to start a small fire. He seems to be learning, though not much can be said for his control.

He takes a seat next to his campfire and does something that surprises me—he begins tending to his scratches without wincing or any sort of fuss. Curious. Something must have happened; the brat seems to have matured a bit since the last time I saw him. Perhaps there is some hope for him after all.

I've seen enough to satisfy me; the brat seems to be doing alright for now. I decide to head back to where I had been training earlier, lest the boy become aware of my presence here. The flight is short, and I am free to continue my training. Night has fallen, and all is quiet, until…

"Chirp."

WHAT KIND OF IDIOT BIRD STARTS CHIRPING AT NIGHT?!?!?!

Perhaps some target practice is in order…

Ah, yes, target practice—it does a demon good. The night is now quiet, my mind is clear, and I am free to meditate. I couldn't ask for more.

Except for the Saiyans not to be coming to earth so that that bastard Son Goku can just stay dead and I can take over the world.

But I won't get my hopes up.

A/N: And that is all for this installment of "Tales of a Sniveling, Wet-Nosed Brat." *dodges random flying objects thrown by readers* Sorry, folks! I considered making it longer, but when I got to those last few sentences I changed my mind 'cause I wanted to end on that note. Hope you liked it anyways and don't get tooooooo mad at me! ^^;;;;

Oh, and to answer Marshmellow13Dragon's question, I don't plan to go through the Saiyan saga. I was going to have some fun with the time that Piccolo spends training Gohan and then end it right as the Saiyans arrive.


	5. Let the Training from Hell Begin

A/N: looks around to make sure coast is clear Whew! is attacked by readers throwing random flying objects Ack! No!! Please!! TT Look! I have the fifth chapter! See? holds out chapter I'm sorry my chapters aren't longer, but it just doesn't seem to flow that way with this story. ;;;

You may notice that I am not at all going based on the anime version of events. My only reference for this fic is the manga, mostly because I have only seen the Saiyan saga on the local Spanish channel, with the exception of a few episodes in English. The problem is, that was about 2 years ago, and I don't speak Spanish anyways. So I'm not going by the anime. The manga leaves more room for artistic license, too. : P Anyways, read and enjoy!!

I hover above the cliffs, not knowing what to expect. Wait, what am I saying? Of course I know what to expect. I've been watching him all along, all throughout these past six months. And so it comes down to this moment.

Time to fetch the brat.

I took the time earlier to locate his ki, so I know that he is somewhere nearby. Below me a dinosaur runs by, missing half of its tail and looking rather disgruntled. It does not take long for me to locate the brat.

I spot him lighting a fire to cook what I'm assuming is dinosaur's tail steak. _It appears he's gotten the hang of this_, I think as I quietly bring myself to the ground behind him.

"Well, well, boy, it seems you have managed to survive." He jumps and whirls around to face me, dropping his steak in the process. I smirk when I notice the look of terror on his face.

"M-M-Mr. Piccolo!" he squeaks.

I take a few steps toward him. "That's right, boy. It's time to begin your training."

The initial shock of my appearance wears off, and the terror fades from his face. Much to my surprise, it is replaced by a childish grin. "Really? Wow, when do we start?" he asks eagerly.

My brow twitches. "Do not take this so lightly, boy," I snarl. "We'll be starting soon enough, and when we do I guarantee you will not be so eager. Each day of training will be straight from hell, and by the end you will be begging me to kill you." He immediately falls silent and timidly returns to his steak.

As the brat eats I contemplate how to begin his training. "Come here," I demand once he has finished. He takes a hesitant step towards me. "Attack me," I tell him.

"W-What?" He stares at me, eyes wide. "B-But you haven't even taught me to fight yet!"

"So?!" I snap. "That shouldn't stop you. Now, attack me!" It's true that I haven't taught him anything yet, but I want to see what he can do on his own, first. That should at least give me an idea of where to start.

He comes at me half-heartedly, unnerved by my command and utterly lacking confidence. I make no effort to block. He throws several punches and a few kicks, a continuous pattern. As this cycle continues I see a gradual change occur. Each attack is more focused than the last, and he is more comfortable with the pattern, more sure of himself. Whether this is from the survival training or his half-breed Saiyan instinct, I cannot be sure. It may even be a combination of both.

He is not bad for an infant who has never fought before, but he has a lot to learn. His technique is sloppy and improvised, but I suppose that is to be expected. His reflexes aren't so bad, at least; that saves me from having to go through hours of reaction drills. Even so, there is still a great deal I must teach him. He will have to learn quickly if we are to be ready when the Saiyans arrive.

"That's enough," I tell him. "I've seen what you can do."

He plops on the ground, panting slightly. "Oh, is that why you wanted me to attack? To see what I could do?"

I do not respond. Instead, I look to the sky. The sun has just set, and the brilliant tones of orange, red, and purple that streak the sky are beginning to fade, giving way to a starry stretch of deep blue.

"It's so pretty," the brat comments. He looks at me with a childish version of Son's famous grin and says, "You're a demon, right, Piccolo? So does this mean even demons like the sunset?"

I glare at him menacingly. He seems to get the message. In the distance I hear a bird chirping again. "ENOUGH WITH THE BIRDS!!!!!!!!!!!!" I solve the matter with a blast of ki.

"You don't like birds very much, do you?" asks the brat.

"No, I don't! And I also don't like sniveling, wet-nosed brats who don't shut up!!"

He falls silent. The sky is now completely dark except for the stars twinkling above us. We both lean back against the cliffside staring at the sky.

After a while he points toward the heavens. "That's where my daddy is, isn't it?" he says hesitantly.

I grunt, which he takes for a yes. He bites his lip as though not sure whether or not to speak up.

"Is he really coming back?" he finally asks, unsuccessfully trying to hide a yawn.

"I suppose so. We'll need him when we fight the Saiyans." I look next to my to see that the child has fallen asleep.

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That's right, boy, sleep well. Here we are, kid, I think. _This is where it all begins…_


	6. Adventures with Exploding Cliffs

A/N: waves happily at readers Hiiiiiiiiii!!!!! I'm in a good mood this morning. How 'bout you guys? Are you in a good mood, too? You are? Awesomeness. But enough of that, here goes Ch. 6. Mwa. Ha. Ha. This is where the REAL fun begins… grins like the insolent child she is

"What are you waiting for?! Fight back!" I bark as I throw several punches at the brat. He, in turn, looks absolutely terrified and is attempting to find a way out. I would love to give him a swift kick in the ass right about now, but that would send him flying off somewhere and be a waste of time.

Too bad. I do it anyway.

A shocked cry of pain escapes his throat as he slams into the nearest cliff. "Hey!!" he protests childishly. "Whadidya do that for?! That's not very nice!!!!"

"That's what happens when you don't fight back!" I snap. "If you don't want that to happen again, I strongly suggest you attack me."

So he does. It's quite pathetic, but I suppose it's better than just standing there getting beat up. I block his attacks, which are nothing more than random punches, with ease. We continue in this fashion for a while, him throwing stubborn but ineffective punches and me blocking, when I realize that this is going nowhere. He's just doing the same thing over and over with little to no improvement.

"Alright, that's enough," I say sharply. "Go find yourself something to eat, and then we'll continue."

He slumps on the ground, worn out already. "Can't I rest for a little bit first?" he moans.

"No! Or would you like to just keep going with no food at all?" I growl. He leaps up at the tone of my voice and dashes off to find his meal.

Good. Peace and qui—

A lone bird lands right in front of me.

I glare daggers at it. "If you so much as let out one peep from that fucking beak of yours…" I snarl through gritted teeth.

The bird gets the message. It jumps in terror and swiftly hops toward the nearest bush in silence. I shake my head. "Damn birds," I mutter.

Suddenly a loud BANG erupts in the distance. I wince. Shit. That can't have been good. I take to the air and fly towards the direction of the blast.

I feel around for the brat's ki. I find it quickly. Good. It seems that he's alright. I arrive on the scene of the blast and survey the damage.

A large cliff has crumbled and been reduced to rubble. The boy is sitting a few feet away, shaken and biting his lip. "Well?" I snap. "What happened?"

He looks up at me, eyes wide with terror. I find it amusing when I realize this terror is mostly out of fear of what I intend to do to him. The amusement does not last long, however.

"I-I was using a k-ki blast and I m-made it t-too big by accident," he squeaks shakily, "and it h-hit the cliff."

What the hell?! I only picked him up to begin training yesterday, and he's already managed to get himself into a mess like this?! If this crap keeps up I am not sure that I will be able to restrain myself from killing him before we ever fight the Saiyans.

"Get up now!" I bark. He immediately hops to his feet, stiff with fear. "Maybe getting back to our training will keep you out of trouble," I growl irritably. He gulps.

"Now come at me!"

He charges, and this time I do not just block, but fight back. He is initially shocked, but I notice that his attacks are a little less random. However, not much can be said for his ability to block thus far.

-

The sky has long since turned dark. I lean back against the cave wall. The brat's swollen face is illuminated by the glow of the fire. He tends to his cuts and bruises in silence, occasionally looking up with a meek expression on his face. Once, his gaze lingers. "What?" I snap.

He bites his lip nervously. "Do you really think I can become strong like you and Daddy?" he finally asks.

"If you train hard and put your mind to it, yes," I say shortly.

"Will I really make a difference against the Saiyans?"

"If you learn quickly, yes," I answer, my patience wearing thin. "Now go to sleep."

"Yessir," he squeaks, and I watch him quickly curl up into a ball on the cave floor. A calm silence fills the air, and I am free to meditate.

The peaceful atmosphere only lasts a few moments.

"What'll happen if we aren't strong enough?" the brat blurts out.

"GO TO SLEEP!!!"

-

A/N: That's all for today, folks. I'll try and have Ch. 7 up w/in a week, but then I'm gonna slow down w/ this fic so I can focus on getting "Losing the World" on its feet, as well as starting another fic or two I have in mind. Thanks to all you folks who've reviewed so far, by the way. big hug Keep reviewing and be HAPPY!!!!


	7. And 1 plus 1 equals?

_It was a dark and stormy night…_

I shake my head involuntarily as I stare outside the cave entrance. It's actually raining for once. The night _is_ dark, I'll admit, though I wouldn't exactly describe it as stormy. Still, the brat and I have taken shelter in our cave. I look over my shoulder to see what he's doing. He is still sitting by the fire at the very back of the cave. He refuses to move any closer to the entrance than he is now. "It's colder there," he grumbles.

"You lived alone in the wilderness for the past six months," I snap irritably. "It's not as though you're going to die of exposure." He is silent after this but remains in the back.

Eyes closed, I lean back against the cave wall and sigh heavily. The rain continues to pour down outside. Though I would never admit it to anyone, I find the sound rather soothing. I can feel my mind slowly relax, and I meditate.

It begins to rain more heavily as the night rolls on. I know that the brat's not asleep since I hear the sound of something scratching in the dirt. He's probably drawing pictures, I suppose. Then again, I don't really care what he's doing right now as long as he's not disturbing my meditation.

Amazingly, the next few hours pass by quietly. This is the first undisrupted meditation I've had in a long time, which puts me in a relatively good mood. The rain is dying down, and I slowly open my eyes. The brat is asleep next to the fire, which has long since gone out.

I stand up and walk towards the back of the cave. As I near the brat I notice all kinds of writing on the ground. _That must be what he was doing while I was meditating_, I muse. Curious, I take a closer look.

x 2y = 10

3x – 2y = 14

A system of equations…? What the hell?! He's what, four-and-a-half, and he's doing algebra?! What kind of freakish kid does ALGEBRA at the age of FOUR?! I suppose it's not exactly normal for a four-and-a-half-year-old to have to battle to save the world, either, but still… I take a look at some of the other equations the boy wrote in the dirt. All of them are done correctly, no mistakes whatsoever. And this is the child of Son Goku? Son can barely even count, much less solve a system of equations!!! Son's wife must have taught the boy.

I'll have to ask him about it when he wakes up. With my luck, he and a bunch of dinosaurs will burst into song and dance about math.

Insert favorite Schoolhouse Rock math song

Insert Gohan, dancing dinosaurs, and scenery from those crazy dreams he has in the first few movies

I shudder at the thought.

Oh, look. He's waking up.

He groans softly, and his eyelids flutter open. "Huh...? Oh, hi, Piccolo-san," he says groggily. "Whacha doing?"

I look from the ground to the brat. "Err… well… where exactly did you learn how to do this?"

The boy sits up, startled. "Oh, you m-mean my math? Y-you're not mad, are you? I-it's just that Mommy always says to practice whenever I can – I did it while I was by myself in the wild, too – s-so I just…"

_So it is his mother_, I think. _What kind of crazy woman is she?_ I clear my throat. "Well, I, umm, I was just surprised, that's all," I say quickly.

"Oh, okay," he says, relieved. He looks past me out the cave entrance. "Hey, look, the rain stopped!"

I turn around and see for myself. "So it has. Now get up so we can train." The brat obeys, and we head outside. Today doesn't look too bad. Things might actually go smoothly for once.

Shit. I spoke too soon.

chirp

"DAMN BIRDS!!!!"

-

A/N: That's all for today, folks. Lemme know what you think, and thanks to all my reviewers so far! As I said last time, I'm going to start to try and focus on getting "Losing the World" on its feet and start a couple other fics I have in mind. I don't know how much updates for this fic will be affected, considering every time I think I'm gonna update w/in a certain timeframe, a little thing called life gets in the way. So basically I have come to the conclusion that I should stop leaving you guys w/ my guesses on when I plan to update. ;;; O, and does anybody wanna take a shot at the system of equations? It's pretty simple, so go ahead and try!!


	8. Wanted: Cave with a View

A/N: sheesh… 2 whole months since my last update… oops! nn;;;;;; I swear, this summer has made such a lazyass out of me. Anyways, the inspiration for this chapter struck while I was getting reacquainted w/ my rollerblades, which I haven't worn in years, and I suddenly noticed that my backyard somehow had a much better view than it used to… hmm. The phrase "room w/ a view" came to mind, which then became "cave w/ a view" and led to me finally writing a new chapter. :P To all my loyal reviewers, I love u guys, sorry for such a horrible wait!!!!!! Now go on, u little monkeys, read and enjoy!

-

The gods must hate me. Of course they do. I'm a demon clansman. And believe me, the hate is mutual. Ooooooooh, yes, the hate is definitely mutual. But even so, this… this _situation_ is a bit much. It is an outrage! It's just so… damn… humiliating…

The brat and I left our cave about a week ago. Now that the rain has passed the skies have been quite clear, which is nice. We've been able to train for longer into the night and have just slept under the stars. It really is quite beautiful, not that I'd ever admit it out loud. Though the more adverse weather was good, too. The brat needs to learn how to fight in any and all conditions.

Today started out like most other days – I beat the kid up some, he fought back some, etc. While he is no longer the pathetic little crybaby he was when we first met, I see that he still has a long way to go before he can be called a real warrior.

"H-Hey, where'd you go? I can't see you! That's not fair!!" he whines.

"Behind you, brat," I snarl, firing a ki blast. He spins around and cries out.

"Hey, how'd you get back there? No fair, I didn't see you—"

"That's exactly the problem, you're relying on your sight! Don't track your opponent's movements with your eyes, track them with your ki!" I bark.

"That still wasn't very nice…" he grumbles, brushing himself off.

I fire another ki blast. "Quit whining and remember that this is still a fight! If you have time to complain, then your opponent has time to react!"

You get the idea. So after our painful training session, we head back to the cave for the first time in about a week. When we arrive, however, we receive a bit of a surprise. The cave as not as we left it.

Dinosaurs have taken over our cave.

That's right. A whole family of dinosaurs has moved into our cave. If it were merely grown dinosaurs I wouldn't mind so much, but there are babies involved. And babies of any species whine too much for my liking.

So I decide to kick them out.

The brat, of course, objects to this. Hell, he's already making friends with them! He looks up at me with those big eyes of his. If he wasn't so scared of me – well, not so much scared as knowing better than to get on my bad side – he might even use that puppy dog look that little kids are so fond of.

"Piccolo-san, can't we just share the cave with them?" he asks childishly.

"NO!"

He jumps slightly but persists anyway. "Well, if you don't want to share, you big meanie, then can we move and let them have the cave?" He looks at me as innocently as possible.

Crap. Crap crap crap crap crap. Don't look at his face, don't get sucked in… _don't get sucked in, don't get sucked in, don't get sucked in, don't get sucked in_… Dammit.

_Don't look at his face, don't get sucked in… _"…fine. We'll go. But if I hear any complaints that you're tired or hurting or hungry while we look for a new cave, you're dead. Got it?" I growl.

"Yes, sir!" he pipes happily. He waves goodbye to the dinosaurs and follows me out the cave entrance.

Hmph. The great Piccolo Daimao bending to the will of a child… pathetic.

We wander around for a bit in search of a new cave. The boy has enough sense to be quiet for the most part, though for whatever reason he appears quite excited. The little brat can't help but burst out every once in a while, much to my annoyance and dismay.

"…and it's gotta have a nice view…"

I've been kicked out of my cave by a family of dinosaurs and am now stuck looking for a new cave with this kid. Truly proof that the gods do indeed hate me.

Finally I spot a cave. "Alright, kid, here we are. Come on," I say, pointing the place out to him.

"Oh," he says with a note of disappointment in his voice. "But it doesn't have a view."

My jaw twitches, and I have to restrain myself to keep from smacking him. He's really serious about wanting a cave with a view?!?! "Kid, how the hell do you expect to find a cave with a view around here?!" I snap.

"Uh…" His eyes dart back and forth nervously. "C-Can we look over there?" he asks shakily, pointing to a nearby cliff with a large ledge.

I growl at the brat. "Fine," I spit, "but if we don't find anything there, we're coming back to this one, and that's the end of it. UNDERSTOOD??"

He nods vigorously and leads me toward the cliff he pointed out. I take a quick look around. "Ok, it has a view, but there's nothing here, kid."

I see the ki charge up in his hand before he fires a blast at the side of the cliff. The smoke and dust clears, revealing a visibly large indentation in the rock—the kid created his own cave.

"Now there is," he says with a bright smile.

"…"

That was a tad humiliating. Maybe I don't give the kid enough credit. Yeah, right.

_…Why didn't I think of that?..._

-

A/N: Hmm… I hope I didn't disappoint u guys after such a long wait! So now Gohan and Mr. Piccolo have a nice cave with a view. Good for them! My goal is to have an update for either this or "Losing the World" up by the end of the month (preferably for "Losing the World" just cuz I haven't done anything for that since the end of May… hehe). If I haven't updated one of those 2 by the first full week of September, you guys officially have the right to bug me. (hopefully saying that did not just seal my fate… nn;;;;;;;;;;;) anyways, lemme know what you think!


	9. Mr Piccolo Tells a Story

A/N: And so, after 6 long and painful months of nonwritingness, I present… the 9th chapter-prays not to be attacked by readers after such a long wait- Here u go, guys; read, u little monkeys, and enjoy!

Today has been a rather exhausting day. Exhausting, but productive, for once. The brat is starting to look… hopeful. Whether or not we'll actually have a chance against the Saiyans, though, is an entirely different matter.

I sit cross-legged and hover in meditation as the brat steps outside the cave to take care of, err, the needs of the body. The sky is pitch black, all stars obscured from sight by dark clouds. The boy makes his little errand quick so as to avoid staying out there any longer than necessary.

I crack open an eye as he settles himself by the fire. His mouth stretches open in a large yawn. His eye meets mine, and he twitches, startled. Crap, he caught me watching him. I clench my teeth and turn away.

I can feel the brat continue to stare at me. I ignore him. The silence continues for a few more glorious moments before…

"Piccolo-san?"

I groan inwardly. Outwardly, on the other hand, I grunt.

The boy is now fiddling his thumbs and staring at the ground, blushing slightly. I have come to learn that this never means anything good.

"C-can you tell me a story?" he asks shyly.

I find myself having to restrain the urge to smack myself. Or him. Either way. This feeling has become painfully familiar as of late.

"You want me to tell you a _story_?" I growl. He nods meekly. "Do you seriously think that I have a whole bunch of bedtime stories in my head just waiting to be told? Well, think again, brat!"

He pauses, and then pipes up again hopefully. "Wait, does that mean if you had any stories to tell, you'd tell them to me?"

"NO!"

"Oh." His face falls slightly. This is ridiculous…

An idea comes to mind. Wait, why am I even considering the brat's request! I am a DEMON! Demons do not tell bedtime stories. That's just a given. However… maybe I do have a story…

I grunt, and the boy looks up. "You want a story? I'll tell you a damned story. ONCE. Just don't get used to it." His face illuminates, and he listens attentively as I begin.

"Once upon a time there was a great demon king who wanted to rule the world. He wiped out all those who opposed him, regained his youth with the dragon balls, and proceeded with his plan to conquer all. Unfortunately he met his demise at the hand of a young boy whom he had left for dead."

"But what about the kitties," the brat interrupts, "and the rabbits and the marmots?"

"What!"

He blinks. "A good bedtime story's gotta have something about the kitties or the rabbits or the marmots!"

What the hell! Disgusting, going off about cuddly things like kitties and rabbits and… wait, did he just say marmots?

"Your training for tomorrow just doubled! Now hush! You wanted a story; like it or not, this is what you're getting!" He immediately closes his mouth, and I continue.

"The demon king's last act was to spit up an egg from which hatched a creature just like the demon king. The creature contained all of the demon king's memories and would seek to continue his father's mission to take over the world and avenge his father's death.

"The demon king's child – the new demon king – trained for the next three years until the Tenkaichi Budokai was held again. There he would exact vengeance. His pathetic other half, Earth's god, attempted to interfere, but the new demon king turned his own plan against him. Instead of sealing away the new demon king, Earth's god ended up being sealed away himself. Finally, the last round of the Tenkaichi Budokai arrived. In it the new demon king faced the boy who had killed his father three years before. Many times the demon king had the upper hand. The fight was long and bloody, but it looked as though the new demon king would prevail. He would succeed in avenging his father's death and be able to carry out his plan to rule the world. But somehow the boy managed to defeat the mighty demon king. Despite this, the boy was a fool and left the demon king alive. So the demon king went off and trained until he met the boy again. The end."

The boy is staring at me intently now, eyes wide. "I-Is that what happened when you fought my daddy?" he asks in a small voice.

"Figure it out yourself," I snap. "I told you your story. Now go to sleep!"

He nods vehemently and curls up on the ground as I eye him disdainfully. Good, he's listening. No annoying questions to yield. He's not even asking about Son. I decide it's safe to go back to my meditation.

The silence lasts for a few more glorious moments before the boy cracks open his eyes and starts to say something. My jaw tightens as I await the brat's words. But nothing comes. Apparently he has thought better of it. I feel my muscles relax.

Until tomorrow, then.

-

A/N: Sorry x1000000000 for the long wait! Thank u soooo much to all u peoples who read and review my stuff anyways! Big hug to everyone.

And for those of u who care, check out my profile for a big fat important look at the current status of ALL my current fics. That's also where u'll find all and any lame excuses on where I've been the past 6 months. Heh.


	10. Tales, the Musical!

A/N: It's been another 6 months… shame on me. Here you go, my sad excuse for a chapter w/ my sad excuse for a parody of _Mulan_ lyrics. Read, you little monkeys, and enjoy.

I just had a very strange dream. A very strange, twisted, disturbing dream. I shudder at the memory of it.

It was only a dream. It was only a dream. It was only a dream.

In this dream, the brat and I are taking a break after a lengthy sparring session. I stand near the edge of a cliff. Down below, the brat sits by a small pond, writing numbers or some nonsense in the dirt and looking sadly into the water.

The music starts.

_Look at me_

_I will never pass for a perfect nerd_

_Or a perfect fighter_

_Can it be_

_I'm not meant for just one part?_

_Now I see_

_That if I were truly _

_To be myself_

_I would break my mommy's heart._

_Who is that kid I see_

_Staring straight _

_Back at me?_

_Why is my reflection someone I don't know?_

_Somehow I cannot hide_

_My two sides_

_Though I've tried_

_When will my reflection show_

_The two halves that I am inside?_

_When will my reflection show_

_The two halves that I am inside?_

At the end of this little number, I go down to the brat and tell him to stand up. It is time for another round of sparring. Again, the music starts.

_Let's get down to business_

_Before the Saiyans come_

_I got stuck with this brat_

_When what we need is Son_

_You're the softest whelp I ever met_

_But you can bet before we're through_

_Mister, I'll make a man out of you._

_Harmless on the outside_

_But ki burns within_

_Once you learn to use it_

_You'll be sure to win_

_You're a cowardly, pathetic wimp_

_An you haven't got a clue_

_Somehow I'll make a man out of you._

_To be a man_

_You must be fast as a bolt of lightning_

_(Be a man)_

_With all the force of a big kaboom_

_(Be a man)_

_With all the strength to move the mountains_

_So powerful to send your enemies to doom!_

_Time is racing toward us_

_Until the Saiyans land_

_Remember what I teach you_

_'Cause I won't hold your hand_

_You're not ready for the heat of war_

_So you'll die, too bad for you_

_How could I make a man out of you?_

_To be a man_

_You must be fast as a bolt of lightning_

_(Be a man)_

_With all the force of a big kaboom_

_(Be a man)_

_With all the strength to move the mountains_

_So powerful to send your enemies to doom!_

And so ends the dream.

It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream.

I sang. I actually sang.

It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream.

The brat turns to me, grinning. "Hey, Piccolo-san, you should sing more often! It sounds nice!"

"NOOOOOOOO!"

--

A/N: Apologies again. Thanks to all my readers & reviewers. Go get yourself a cookie!


	11. 20 Lessons

A/N: I'm a big fan of the 20-facts style of fic like the ones found on livejournal. Therefore, I decided to try that style for this chapter. Read and enjoy! (And sorry for yet another really long wait!)

20 things I've learned over the course of Son Gohan's training:

1. Nearly everything he has learned prior to my taking him comes from his mother. Based on that, I can conclude that his mother is psychotic. No child should have the kind of scientific knowledge that he possesses. It's disturbing.

2. Despite his mother's psychotic nature, he cares for her deeply. No fighter should allow himself to care for anything that openly. It's weak.

3. He has the power to kill.

4. …But he lacks the willingness to use it.

5. He used to be terrified of me. Unfortunately, it was just a phase.

6. Now he smiles too much for my liking. Every day he smiles at me, and every day I glare and snarl at him in return.

7. He still insists that since lizards' tails grow back, the dinosaur that he has been munching on for months will regain a tail any day now.

8. The longer he is away from home, the more he keeps to himself about it.

9. He likes to ask questions about anything and everything. Sometimes his questions are random and idiotic, and other times they are reasonable and intelligent. No matter what kind of question, I usually have to threaten him in order to make him shut up.

10. Though the sound of him whistling is not the most annoying sound in the world, it comes pretty damn close. The high pitch hurts my ears, AND he can't carry a tune.

11. The most annoying sound in the world is the sound of him bawling in the desert. Period. Not even birds can compare.

12. Luckily, the bawling stage has passed.

13. The size of his appetite baffles me. How such a small brat can eat so much I will never understand.

14. Not a day has passed where he has failed to mention Son in some way, shape, or form. "Daddy showed me" this or "Daddy told me" that. There's no escape.

15. While I have lost count of the number of questions he has asked me about Son, the closer we get to the Saiyans' arrival and Son's return, the fewer questions he asks. However, I can see his hope growing each day. He idolizes his father.

16. Though it appears his admiration for me is growing, as well. It is rather… bizarre.

17. I am beginning to realize that he will never, ever give up calling me Piccolo-san.

18. Expectations and preconceived notions of him are pointless. He is too full of surprises. Some of these surprises can be advantageous, such as his unanticipated amount of potential. Others, like his capacity to whine, are altogether annoying.

19. At the beginning, I thought my training would somehow mold him, shape him in my own image. Instead, I find that I am the one being changed. Pathetic.

20. Even more pathetic is this: though I will never, by any means, admit this out loud, I think the kid might actually be growing on me.


End file.
